What's your pleasure???

"What do you do for yourself to make YOU happy?"
That question was posed to me awhile back and it has been lingering in the back of my mind ever since. When I think back over the years, even before I had my kids, I begin to realize that I lost myself a LONG time ago. I was with my ex-husband for 14 years- we had some of the same interest but while we were together I was rarely allowed to go out with my girlfriends, we did everything together. But I didn't think much of it because we were a couple and I thought that was what couples did - stuff together. It wasn't healthy and he really was just controlling me and monitoring the things I did. I wasn't a bad companion - I didn't go out searching for anyone else, I was respectful and always came home to him. I was always made to feel like he took me away to give me a "better life" and that I should have been thankful. But you know what? My life was good before he came along. I was happy, I had girlfriends that I could talk to and confide in, I went out dancing(which I love) - I was me and I liked me. But who doesn't want to be loved and feel like they are being taking care of. I started to lose myself the minute I compromised my heart to be with him. There was a moment at the beginning of our relationship that I knew I should walk away and I didn't, I've always resented him for that and I never let it go and he never made it right. That was the moment that I became a pleaser and not me. I was a strong independent woman - I wasn't scared of a challenge, if something needed to be done then I did it - I wasn't scared. Maybe some of that was just my youth but I moved away from home, made it on my own and I was enjoying MY life. I do however really enjoy making people happy - I honestly do get pleasure from that, but not at my own expense. I've learned that about myself over the years - I will need to be better at not putting myself last when I think of others, I think that is a disservice. People like to please people but if you are not taking care of your needs then how can you possibly take care of others? So- what's your pleasure? I aim to please, but if it makes me feel inadequate, inferior and just simply bad about being me - then as someone's mother use to say (because everyone say like my mom use to say, but my mom never said this) "don't let the door hit you in the ass".